don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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