All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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