Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
