actually, I'm a sock model
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
