There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
