We're like a lot better than the average bears
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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