I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize