so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
