I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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