What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
