yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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