So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You were trust falling into bushes
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
