while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
