Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
