she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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