Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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