Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize