What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
