Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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