Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
