Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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