Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
