bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
