i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
