I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i now understand why vodka
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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