Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
