What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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