There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
