Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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