And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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