Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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