Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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