dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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