I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We left an ass print on the piano.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize