I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
