remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have tasted many bathrooms
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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