So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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