The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
