I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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