I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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