thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
