The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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