When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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