I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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