Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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