I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
