is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
