i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
