okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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