just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
