Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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