Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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