Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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