He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
