I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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