Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
