best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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