I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
