just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
