ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
