god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
