i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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