Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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