So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
